


Taste of you

by Todae_is_a_present



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 04:45:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13427088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Todae_is_a_present/pseuds/Todae_is_a_present
Summary: A third person in the picture, yet I'm the third party. I will put an end to this. The limits of my endurance, the amount of pain you inflict, which one will outrun the other?





	Taste of you

  

It was softer than I had imagined.

Sweeter than I believed it could be.

A warmth which seared my heart.

Just for this little moment, I can believe you're mine.

Have mercy, please, because I don't want to leave you.

Five years isn't a short time. Things change. From a stranger to friends to whatever we are now.

I always hoped for more.

It was wrong of me, it was stupid of me, thinking that all these greed doesn't come with a price.

And now you want more, more than I can give, more than you can have.

Still, we can't walk away from each other.

This chapter of our lives is still open, unfinished.

You can't close it, so let me.

"Even if we have someone else, can't we stay like that?" You held onto my hand, tightening around mine with desperation, almost beggingly.

"No, Seunghyun, we can't." I said, the aching in my chest threatening to rip me apart.

"Why?"

"Because, I can never be yours. Tomorrow, you'll belong to another." I smiled, it was a broken smile. I held onto my resolution not to shed a tear, not to let him see my weakness.

I see your conflicted face.

You selfish bastard.

I pulled my hand out of yours.

"Seunghyun, you don't have to think. I can't stay."

As my last finger slips out of his grip, I turned away.

"And there is nothing you can do about it."

 

***

 

Three years isn't a short time, yet I still can't forget you.

It's raining.

Under my umbrella, I'm safe from the rain.

Alone.

Safe from you.

Under this measly shelter, I stand on the other side of the street, looking at your house.

I wondered if you had move.

Three years, I heard nothing from you.

No, not really. This time I can't pin the blame on you, for I was the one refusing to acknowledge you.

I rejected every attempt you made.

It's raining, it makes me think of you.

The rain and you.

Letting go of my umbrella, I allowed myself to get drenched. I guess the rain reminded me of you, of how you made me feel, inflicting pain and cold, testing my endurance.

Tears and raindrops mingle, I'm unable to differentiate which is which.

It's okay.

I'm okay.

I'm okay...

Maybe, one more day and I'll forget you.

But it's okay, you're happy, that's all that matters.

You being happy...

While I...

You've probably already forgotten about me and that's fine.

I'm okay.

A thousand times I've told myself, I almost believed it.

I'm o....

But I'm not.

Who am I lying to?

I can't even convince myself, not even after a million times I've told myself.

 _'I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE_.'

Yet every sad song, every sad movie, every tear I shed, it's you I think about.

Today, of all days, I came here.

Today, of all days, you appeared.

I ran, like a criminal caught committing a crime.

Why?

Because, I'm standing in the rain, the opened umbrella abandoned at my feet.

Every bit a fool pining for a love lost.

You caught my arm.

"Don't!" You shouted as I struggled.

"Let go of me!" I spat.

"Don't fight me." A voice familiar soft and warm, yet a hint of an nuance present that is a stranger to my ears, it made me stop.

"What do you want from me?"

"No, Daesung. What do _you_  want?"

 _I want you_. The words briefly flitted across my mind but I shook my head in denial.

"Here you are, standing outside my house. Alone. In the rain. Do you even know why you are here?"

Something forgotten knocked at the back of my mind, an important piece that I've left locked up. I stubbornly kept it locked up.

"Today is the 4th of November." You reminded.

No...

I don't want to remember...

The cakes, the presents, the laughter, us...

But, you belong to another.

"Please, Daesung, stay."

The glint from the gold circling your finger caught my eye.

I reached for you.

This time, it tasted like tobacco.

It smelled of another, flowers and sweentness.

A coldness froze my heart.

You selfish bastard.

This time, this time I can walk away.

 

***

 

Three years isn't a short time. I still wondered everyday if you have ever thought about me.

Memories, I'm waiting for the day I can stop replaying them in my head and store them away. Of you and I.

Maybe, one day, I'll finally run out of love for you. That one day when l sleep and there's no you running rampant in my dreams, when I wake up and you don't appear in my thoughts.

Maybe, one day I'll be free of you and I won't feel pain when I think of you. One day, we'll bump into each other on the streets without so much as a greeting, we get on with our own lives. Surely, memories will warp with passing time and we would have accepted that we moved on, that we've grown up.

The knocking on my door jolted me me wide awake. I hated waking up, hated returning to reality.

I opened the door.

There you are, standing at my doorstep.

Out of shock, I slammed the door shut, walking back to my bed and slipped under the covers.

Fucking reality.

The knocking started again, this time coupled with you calling my name.

"What do you want?" I asked impatiently, not with hostility, as I yanked the door open.

"You've moved. It was so difficult to find you."

"Exactly."

"Do you hate me?" You asked.

I paused, knowing it was loneliness, not anger tugging in my chest when I looked at him. "No, I don't." I told him honestly.

I owe him at least that much.

"I'm sorry." He apologized, bowing deeply.

"For what?"

"This mess?"

"Don't look for me again, then there won't be a mess." I have no more sympathy to spare.

"But I'm the mess. Without you."

"Don't, just don..."

The words were swiftly swallowed by your lips.

This time, it was forceful and strong, a hint of despair.

No longer do you smell like a flower bouquet but musky and...

Just you.

There was no trace of the ring which tied you to another.

"Your presence kept growing within me, I can't pretend anymore, that I need you."

A tremendous weight lifted off my chest and I can breathe freely. Touching you is no more a hundred knives stabbing my heart.

"I see your back, walking further and further away each time I close my eyes."

You forcefully pulled me into your warmth, wrapping your arms around me.

"It was scary, not knowing if I'll ever get to see you again. When I should have been with you, I was with another. I'm an idiot."

"You _are_  an idiot. What if I'm attached?"

"Then I would chase you till the end of the world till you become mine." Seunghyun pulled back, his eyes staring into mine, "But you aren't, are you?"

You selfish bastard.

The earnest look you had on your face awakened the mischievous side of me who had been asleep for much too long.

I witheld my answer for a moment, and a little more, relishing in the control I had over him. He deserved at least this.

"If, I said ' _if_ ', stupid." I said.

 

 

 


End file.
